This would be the only time I wish I were something else.....

A bottle to be exact.

Nope. I don't mind being a bottle at all...

Happy Birthday Ji Hoon!!!
25 June 2006

P.S.
As I am infected by the Korean virus again, I havent had the time to update my blog. I'm currently hooked on another series and Im just 2 cds shy from finishing it. Not that I have a lot to post anyway. I just want to share some photos from the wedding... Yes and the dress... hehehe...

Im back.....

After 2 long weeks Im back to the real world. Stress stress and more stress. And what beats stress the most?????? shopping....

I was a bit sad when i got back from vacation. Homesickness sinks in most for the first 2 days. Then I had to go back to work immediately(i guess it was better that way so i wouldn't have time to think about home).

Syndee took me shopping last saturday for a dress im supposed to wear for her wedding. I was really excited to find a dress but kinda worried because i gained weight when i went back home. Guess what happened.

I could not believe shopping for a dress can be so ever stressful. We went to this shop which specializes in gowns and i couldn't find a thing. well they have a lot but they only have gowns up to size L. So i tried a couple and guess what, its a bit tight. I can zip it up but i couldnt breath... i gotta choose. which is more important a dress or breathing???  Damn, if i didnt go on a vacation i shouldnt have these problems.

so i tried asking this sales person if they had an xtra large for that dress. in a very rude way she tells me " all dress no xl, only large, large too small for you cannot fit" leaves and doesnt help me at all.

ok so i felt bad. but hopes are still up, i mean that's just the first store... then i went to the 2 other branches of the same brand hoping to find something (you'll never know) and i still get the same response. they were pretty rude to me, really. it made me wonder, are they doing this to me because im not chinese or because im on the heavy side?

I suddenly felt like Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. I had the money but no one would help me... (tears....)

So anyway last monday rona, jon'es and cousin alissa helped me find a dress. We went to Suntec, had dinner then went hunting for the perfect dress. I dont know if this is fate but i again bumped into another branch of the same shop. I didnt want to go in anymore but Jon'es went in already and alissa and rona were missing(stuck in some shop somewhere) so i decided to follow him. Anyway, i got a totally different response from this branch, the people were oh so nice and helpful. I found a dress, its pretty, makes me feel like a princess, but i didnt buy it yet. i wanted syndee to see it first.

Im still stressed though. and pressured.

thanks by the way syndee and joe for taking me out to dinner last saturday. they took me to an authentic dim sum place in china town and i had a real blast. so there's more to dim sum than siew mai and dumplings. hehehe. it was really fantastic. loved it loved it loved it thanks guys!

went to zouk after dinner. met up with andrea and cousin alissa, cecille, grace and their friend. Normally we wouldnt go on a weekend (coz we gotta pay.. hehehe... why pay when you can get it for free???) but we so wanted to drink, dance and party that we couldnt wait for the next ladies night.(we've been good girls for 3 weeks). we were expecting to have a blast that night coz well its zouk but man that was like the all time suckiest night. bad music (techno - sorry am an R&B hiphop kinda gal) few people (even after 1 AM) and no cute guys among the few people... so you can just imagine our frustration....

so last night was what we call our revenge night... hahaha... we promised to have a good time so we went to our so called second home Obar. we just love this place because of the music and well the cute guys...plus we always get a table thanks to emily rose..  we had a blast. didnt meet any guys (oh there were 5 but not worthy of blog space... bad bad bad...) but we really had fun. who needs guys anyway...

till the next one.

I'll be off in two days. I have no words to describe how excited I am. So much has happened since my last post but I couldnt bring myself to write a decent entry. I guess there's just too much in my heart and  mind right now and I couldn't sort it out.

But in the midst of all the chaos, stress, excitement, nightouts and drunken states, I stumbled upon this song (thanks to Claire actually) that perfectly describes my current state and how I feel about love and relationships. Im pretty sure some of my friends can relate to this song too. So this is for ya'll!!! 

When Will It Be Me?
(Yasmeen)

I see the couples are walkin by Feel like I
Don't wanna be alone today
So glad no one can see what I hide Deep inside
How it feels to be
The girl who never gets the right guy Tell my why
When there's so much I've got to give
I wake up reaching out in the night
Ready to hold him tight Till I realize
That nobody is there.

When will it be me?
When will I be the one somebody's dreaming of?
When's it gonna be?
When will I find my heart lyin' inside the arms
That never let me go?

I'd really like to know
When will it be me?

My friends seem to have all the love (feels like love)
Knocks on their door and walks right in
I know that I am worthy of what I've been wishing for
I can't wait no more
Love's nowhere to be found

Feeling his tender touch (lying in his arms)
Talkin about forever together
Givin him all of my love
That's been trying to be free

Don't wanna be alone no more
Im telling you what i need
I want someone who loves me for me
And when will it be me?
Wonder when will it be me?

I ask myself when will it be me?

Wanna hear the song? When Will It Be Me?
(sorry this is the only link i can find)

I am so thrilled to bits because in approximately 18 days (who's counting??!) Im going home!!!! I finally got my leave approved last night and I was literally jumping for joy, hugging everyone and smiling from ear to ear. Then I called my dad and mom coz they were doing their own countdown even before i filed for my leave.So I guess its just fair that I told them first.

Then I had to make sure I had a flight. I booked my flights already but Im still waiting for the voucher before I complete the payment. (Thanks to Mate for the voucher. So sweet of you. promise i'll treat you to a movie). Good thing I went ahead and reserved the seats coz there were only 2 seats left for the flight that I wanted. Of course, being my usual self, I got stressed out, panicked and reserved a seat for the wrong flight and the wrong date. So I had to change it to the one that I wanted. I went through checking fare rules and stuff but I managed. See???

Trip Details:

Philippine Airlines  (Non-stop)  Economy Class	Flight Details

	Departing:	Singapore	Wed, 17 May at
	Arriving:	Manila, Philippines	Wed, 17 May at
	Status:	Confirmation Code *XXXXXX	Aircraft:	Airbus 330 Jet
	Seat:	Check in at Airport	Meal:
	Freq. Flyer:

Philippine Airlines (Non-stop)  Economy Class	Flight Details

	Departing:	Manila, Philippines	Wed, 31 May at
	Arriving:	Singapore	Wed, 31 May at
	Status:	Confirmation Code *XXXXXX	Aircraft:	Airbus 330 Jet
	Seat:	Check in at Airport	Meal:
	Freq. Flyer:

Then I called my sister and my brother. I also spoke to my ever so handsome nephew Kyle. He was telling me he misses me and he was kissing my brother's handphone as if the kiss can reach me.

I told him I'm gonna get him a present or something if he will be a good boy. Then he tells me he's gonna have a baby sister. I was like... What the heck? My sister-in-law's pregnant and they don't bother telling me? I had to hear it from a 3 year old tot? But I go and asked him a not-so-smart question.... "where will you get a sister?" then he goes.... "from Megamall..... im gonna buy a baby sister tomorrow...." Whew, i thought i was missing something there. 

Photos of the troop:

              
Kyle                                              Eggo

              
Teddy                                           Eggo and Kyle

 I didnt get to talk to Eggo coz he was having dinner that time. Teddy was busy crying because he didnt want Nana on the phone for too long.... But its okay I'll see them soon.

I had the weirdest but nicest dream last night.  I was making out with this guy (whose name I cannot reveal) and it seemed so real it scared me.

They say that dreams are manifestations of your fears. But I don't think I have a fear of kissing. (I don't think anybody has...) So this morning, I went online and tried to interpret my dream. Here's what I found:

"To dream of a kiss denotes love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment. To see others kissing in your dream suggests that you are too involved in their personal lives and relationship. You need to give them more space. If the dream ends just as you are about to kiss someone, this indicates that you are unsure of how he really feels about you. You are looking for some sort relationship with this person but you are not sure about how to go about achieving it."

"To dream that you are kissing someone else's boyfriend indicates your wish to be in  a relationship and to experience the energy of love. You may be sexually acting out the desire to awaken your passion. Alternatively it indicates a lack of integrity on your part."

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/k.htm

Now, can it be true? I can't really say coz we went drinking last night . So it could be the beer talking in my dreams. I slept really late (about 1-nish) because my system was confused with the red bull and beer. Then had to wake up at 530 for work.

Had fun last night. It was our farewell party for Maria at the same time our birthday bash for Rona and Gazali. The bears were complete except the mother because she was working till i don't know when.

Special thanks to Gazali for making my day yesterday. He told me it was nice to see me smile and hear me laugh again.

Thanks to the group too. I really had fun. Emily, till next Wednesday, okay?

We've officially started with Blue Holidays.... and my new bedtime.  Since we start at 6 am, I need to hit the sack at about 9 PM to get a good 8 hours sleep. But it never happens. I end up sleeping at about 11 or 12, and wake up at 4 or 5. Nevertheless, I love my schedule. I may have to cut down on my clubbing though(or i can go back early) but it works for me.

Im planning to go home next month in time for my sister's birthday. Its been 8 months now since I last went back and I miss home so much. I miss my mom and dad and the kids... I miss my sister.... I'm not yet sure If i'm gonna get my leave approved. Although its less than a month till my much awaited break, I couldnt bring myself to get excited about it. I couldn't even buy my ticket yet coz im not sure if i can go back....

Anyway, last saturday, we attended a barbeque party at Costa Sands East Coast. It's been a while since I last spent time with my colleagues and I really had fun. And will all the pressure and stress from work, it was a really good break. 

One thing made me really sad though. 

My colleagues were telling me that I am no longer the bubbly, cheerful, noisy and crazy person I used to be. They told me I suddenly became very quiet and reserved. MEEEE???!!!! QUIET???? RESERVED????!!! Ha!

Actually a lot of people have been telling me that recently and i refused to believe. I dont see myself as quiet, much less reserved. I guess I just have a lot in my mind right now (like my pending vacation....) They keep telling me they want the old Toni back but I'm here guys. Im just seated in the far end of the room but Im still here. I guess i just need to recharge my batteries but my charger is in Manila so get back to me come June aiyt??!!! . In the mean time, I'll try my very best to smile, laugh and be bubbly. Its gonna be an effort for now... but i promise it won't be fake..

Later!

I hate how I ask everyone what they think I should do about something, and I end up doing the exact opposite.

I hate how I ask everyone how they feel about something when all that really matters is how i feel about it.

I hate how I couldn't make decisions for myself.

I hate how I get easily upset over the smallest issues.

I hate how I just keep quiet over big issues.

I hate how I couldn't say no to someone coz I'm scared to hurt their feelings.

I hate how I could get hurt easily by words and actions that don't really mean anything.

I hate how I cannot express how I really feel and what i really think

I hate how I expect so much from someone.

I hate how I hurt the people that matter to me because of my shortcomings

I cant find the words to express how i feel but i found this photo that describes my current state. That's all i can do for now. Im still hurting.

Photo taken from http://nguoivienxu.vietnamnet.vn/butviet/2005/03/381154/

Half past 12. Waiting for my eyes to tell me i need to call it a day. (ironic when a new day has just started.)

I just finished watching the Gladiator (for the nth time) and i dont want to watch another movie coz its gonna take another two hours and i plan to wake up early tomorrow. I dont have work by the way. I just want to start early. Im gonna jog around the reservoir, have a nice korean lunch and swim in the afternoon.

Im so excited with this korean lunch tomorrow. I have been craving for a nice bowl of dolsot bibimbap with some kimchi for days now.

For the record, i've always loved korean food. No its not because of all the korean movies and dramas(although everytime i see them eating, i crave for more). It all started with KIMCHI, a korean fast food restaurant in Manila that serves beef and chicken bulgogi, korean beef stew, spicy squid and of course kimchi. I loved the bulgogi and the beef stew but i was not really a fan of kimchi then. Eventually my sister and her husband introduced me to a more authentic Korean resto, Kaya and learned that there's more to korean food than bulgogi and beef stew.

I specially love chap chae  - glass noodles mixed with all types of veggies.(actually any type of noodles is ok with me - i can even eat the economic beehoon anytime time of the week) - and kimbap, korean style sushi. And of course, my all time favorite, bibimbap. Its mixed rice in simple english. Rice with shredded veggies - carrots, cucumber,bean sprouts and mushrooms (among others) with some beef or chicken, served with a special sauce and some kimchi on the side. I prefer dolsot bibimbap though. The only diff is they serve dolsot on a hot rock bowl and add a fresh egg. The sizzling bowl burns some of the rice slightly, making the rice crunchy and giving the food texture. Really really good.

Cant wait for tomorrow. I would love to have some soju with that bibimbap but its a bit expensive here, about 20SGD/ bottle. How I wish it were a 1 litre bottle. I wouldnt mind if it were. Its a 250ML bottle for 20SGD. Oh well, guess i'll have to wait till i go back to Manila.

Dolsot Bibimbap

Im back in the clubbing world. Well just for this week at least. Its been a while since i last went clubbing and drinking, but this week, Im fully booked. Started last wednesday night, went to DBL O with colleagues. Just had rhum coke, vokda lime and tequila. Had to control my drinking and dancing coz I got work the next day. Dont ask how many glasses/shots per drink. I tried you know. I really tried.

Last night, we were to celebrate our first year in SIngapore with Gen, Cecille and Clare - but we couldnt find a happenin' place where we could get free drinks. But hey, its thursday right? We could always go thumper.. But we decided against it coz I was really tired from the previous night and all and Cecille had work the next day. So as I was having dinner with Rona, Mate called me and said she's going to thumper coz she's taking out her two friends who just got in from Manila. So I was like what the heck, might as well go out. So I met up with Gen (because the 4 ladies took sssooooooo long to dress up and I didnt want to go there alone). then i got the shock of my life...

Some of the staff still recognizes us, which is good because I haven't been there for 3 months, i think. So as we were going up the club, Guess who I saw.. Standing by the door is the nicest, sweetest, hottest door bitch i have ever met. My dear Molly. I literally was  jumping up and down when i saw her, and hugged her for 10 minutes i think. My God. She didnt tell me she's back you know. That was her first day back too so it was all so perfect. Molly's the best. I miss the early morning talks about life, family and career with Molly, just hanging out and checking out hot guys... (by the way, thanks for all the cute guys you introduced to us). Im so excited....  Now that you're back, looks like we're gonna be back too.. It just was never the same without you..

Anyway I drank so much that night cos i didnt have work the next day and i didnt get drunk. Surprisingly I went up the stage again and did my own rendition of "I will survive" with What Da funk. Just like the old times...

Friday night, i had dinner with my colleagues again at the Esplanade. It was really nice. Good food, good company. Then after that we headed to Mohd Sultan to chill out. Was out with Toi, Ivy, Mate and her friends Iit and Azalea. It was a quiet night with acoustic music, one broken heart, 2 hearts longing, and another heart in the healing process. Can you imagine how it went?